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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I decide to chill for a sec. I sit on the curb of Rehov HaYarden, just taking it all in. The rain’s easing up, and I see kids splashing in puddles. It hits me—life’s messy, but it’s also kinda beautiful. I laugh at myself. I mean, who gets this worked up over wood, right?

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